The foreign secretary William Hague claims Britain needs to shed it’s guilt over the empire. It is no longer an issue, he said reclining on a plush leather chair while an African cleaner swept under his feet. The “old grudges” were dying out, he claimed, stabbing a pin into a Robert Mugabe doll.
I’d like to take Hague seriously, only he went on to claim that Britain was the “centre of the world”. Just like the old days when it ruled the waves, eh? It’s a long time since Britons thought they were at the centre of the world. Then maps were invented.
It’s easy to call for an end to “post colonial guilt” sitting in an opulent oak panelled office. In the same building where FCO officials gave orders to shoot the natives. And they didn’t feel any guilt either.
Hague was on Desert Island Disks recently. He said he was particularly fond of Arrested Development.
His other tunes were No Don’t Stop the Carnival, and YMCA. I could have recommended a good tune. Bob Marley’s Chase Them Crazy Baldhead Out of Town.
When Hague was leader of the Conservatives he said we had 24 hours to Save the Pound. Luckily within 24 hours someone stopped his special advisor visiting his hotel room.
Still, at least we should be grateful he didn’t turn up to the Notting Hill Carnival this year wearing shorts and a safari shirt. Never mind Kenya’s death camps for the Masai warriors, those fashion crimes are really something to feel guilty about.